Feelin Woozy

Oyyyy….This is not right. Today I picked up the mail to find a check from the company that I worked with last week. The amount that I was paid for TWO DAYS was equal to 2 weeks of pay that I got from my job while I was in college.

Ohhhh…

I can’t believe that I actually had a job that was paying me this amount of money and I lost it because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. Why did I have to go and tell that lady that she was being disrespectful to me? Why do I always have to make sure that I put people in their place when it comes to treating me how I should be treated or giving me what I deserve? Why the hell am I such an idiot?

Oh my gosh! TWO DAYS of pay. I.am.a.loser.

I could have sucked it up, put on a show like a happy go lucky clown and made that paper. I sometimes wonder where I go wrong and I realize it is because I stand up for myself. There is no place for this in the working world. If you’re working for someone else you basically have to kiss their ass and do things THEIR way in order to keep your salary. Why do I think it should be different for me?

Now come on, don’t think I am a slacker, I’m not, not in the least bit. I’m very obedient in the work place. I just have to let go of this attitude that everyone should treat me how I treat them. For some reason I expect everyone to have the same beliefs that I do about relating to people.

Everyone is not me.

Some people gossip, some people steal, some people lie on others and backbite. But if they’re in a position to take away your pay, who are you to call them on their wicked ways? Why am I always trying to change people?

Damn. This hurts so bad that I can’t sleep. For real. I COULD be working but I’m not because I decide that I need to confront my former publisher about my meager pay. I COULD be working but I’m not because I decide that my new boss needs to speak to me respectfully.

Now everyone could talk about how we need to demand the respect we deserve but get real, you all have kissed ass once or twice to keep things cool on your job. I need to kiss more ass. I need to stop thinking about myself. I need to squash my pride in thinking that I will have what I DESERVE every time. You won’t get what you deserve everytime. Plenty of people out there are in bad job situations and deal with it cuz they love their families more than they love themselves.

I can’t wait until this damn year is over.

I’m learning too many lessons the hard way. But I guess all lessons are learned the hard way.

SO I have to thank God for the lesson learned and hope for another chance.