Energized

It’s funny because people often think I’m PMS’ing because I’m always so emotional. I’m not really, I’m just very sensitive. I don’t know, I just have this abundance of heart, gooey stuff going on and I feel things on a level that I guess most people don’t feel.

When I appreciate someone, I really appreciate them to the point where it can bring me to tears just thinking of how much their presence in my life means to me. And since I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, I cry a lot.

Today was extra beautiful. When I got to work there was an e-mail in my inbox inviting the faculty and staff to visit the faculty lounge for a chocolate treat. Gourmet chocolate! Then I saw an e-mail reminder that today was the day we would get our free massages.

I went into the room they had set up with scented candles and soft music.

When my turn came the man asked me, “Where’s your problem area?”

I cringed. “Um, I don’t know. My shoulders I guess. I. I, uh.. I’ve never had a massage before.”

“Oh really?” he asked raising his eyebrow at me. “Well, you’re about to fall in love.”

He adjusted the seat for me and I sat down and put my face down in the little hole, just like they do on TV. As he began to push on certain parts of my back, I couldn’t help it, I began to cry. I felt so stupid. I’m such a weirdo. I began to think about how good this school has been to me. Because of this job I have had my first taste of caviar. I’ve partied with the wealthy. I’ve enjoyed countless parties and I learn a lot from the professionals that I work for. I’m so comfortable here. The people are so nice. My director is great. No one is rude or mean to me.

The best thing about this school is, the teachers actually CARE about the students. Seriously, if you listen in on their conversations you hear them express worry over whether or not they are reaching them. Or you’ll hear them express frustration over a student who is non chalant about his education. This is definately the type of place where you can get really comfortable and stay for years.

I would never leave except, I want more for myself than being an assistant. I have more to give to the world. I want to use my gift as a means to take care of my family. Until my turn comes, I’ll be here, content and appreciative of this blessing from God. It’s almost been a year since I started here. Remember when I was a temp at the receptionist desk? Who’d have thought it would become permanent and I’d be loving my job right now?

As the masseuse kneaded my neck with his bare hands I thought about another first I had this year. Aside from those free concerts at the bandshell in college, The Kanye West concert was the first real concert I’ve ever been to. The greatest thing is those tickets were a gift from a man who wanted absolutely nothing in return.

I’m not used to that. I’m used to giving to men and dealing with men who have nothing to give to me. I still feel kinda overhwhelmed by his generosity.

And you know that Late Registration CD I’ve been listening to everyday at work and at home? Well, it was a gift from my friend Kenya. She lives in Brooklyn and she sent it to me because she thought I would like it. She was never more correct. I love it. If it wasn’t for her, I would never have gotten it, I don’t really buy anything for myself anymore. Well, I bought a $5 candle last week but that’s about it.

Oh here we go again, Ms. Mushy, Gushy Tee, crying about how happy she is.

~smile~

This blogger can keep steppin if she thinks I’m not gonna give Kanye props for his part in my recent happiness. I feel connected to him. It’s as if his success is my own. Everytime I see an interview or hear about him winning an award I become giddy. He was the underdog and he came out on top. I’m feeling that…

You know, I think I’m just happy that I finally get to see a man that is worthy of admiration.

Yeah… I’m so blessed and so happy and looking forward to enjoying the kind of success that Kanye has. The kind of success that comes from doing what God placed you on this earth to do and actually being appreciated and recognized for it. I believe he is annointed and his energy energizes me.

Life is funny, but life is good.