Don’t Ask Me Where I’m Going…
Cuz I don’t know…

I am so at peace right now..

Maybe it’s because I just got off the phone with Kim. She always reminds me of where we’re going and how no one will understand unless they are going in the same direction. It’s like…I get so much unsolicited advice and labels that it’s quite funny. Why are you trying to categorize me? Oh…It’s because you don’t understand me.

Is it because you want me to be more like you? I’m sorry. I can’t be like you because I’m me. I accept you for who you are and I don’t try to push or pull you to the place where I’m going. Well…then why are you doing that to me? Can we just accept each other, as is, with no judgements or harsh words? I accept you. I promise I do. And as I move forward in my journey, I promise to NEVER push you to come with me if you don’t want to. I’ll celebrate you as long as you’re happy.

~grinning~

I love my friends. They see the world in such a BOLD WAY!

Look at my girl Kenya… This chick called me to give me an update because she was trying to figure out what she was supposed to do with her life. She said she figured it out. “I want to be a socialite!”

I almost died….

“And…I think that I’m going to be a Professional Muse!”

GO Kenya! GO Kenya!

“I love it girl! Now all you need is a sponsor…”

Come on… What kind of brilliance does it take to come up with those kind of career goals? It really takes someone who thinks outside of the box.

I promised her that I would do whatever I could do in my power to make it happen for her if she make steps to make it happen first.

I love her! She wrote a story for me recently on the website. It was actually her third try. LOL!But since she’s my friend I was patient with her and I usually have no patience for chasing writers and pulling them in. I don’t have to do that, I can write the shit myself and leave all that begging alone.

So she called me and said, “I know sometimes I’m a bit flaky and I need my hand held so…thanks for doing that…” I love her! She is so honest and so cool! She is a character. I love her because she isn’t afraid to be herself and she’s definitely not trying to put anyone down or change anyone around her. She’s focused on her own life.

The best thing about my friends is…they let me be me. And they’re not intimidated by that. And it doesn’t annoy them…much. They think it’s hilarious! They look at me as their crazy friend who doesn’t believe rules apply to her. I do know rules exist but I believe I set my own rules.

It’s like this. I am not constrained by society’s expectation of me. I say how I feel, in a respectful way. And I ask for what I feel like I deserve. I almost always get it because…I give people what they want. No matter what people have to say about me, “She thinks she’s a STAR!” “She’s standoffish.” “She smells funny.” No one can say that I have ever been rude or disrespectful to them. I’m not mean. I just..do me. If I don’t want to, I don’t do it. I don’t do stuff just to be polite. If I want something, I ask for it. I don’t wait until it is given. It’s funny to me when I try to explain that and people don’t get it. Maybe it wasn’t meant for you to get. And that’s okay.

I love my friends. They respect where I’m going and I appreciate that. They don’t try to label me or tell me what they think I should be doing. They just…laugh and listen to my stories. They believe with me, imagine with me and we have fun just trying to figure this thing out.

~sigh~

I can’t wait to connect with one of them again. Any one of them.

Ruby in Lousiana.
Kenya in Brooklyn.
Tamara in Atlanta.
Anna in Orlando.
Kim in Chicago.

I’m not inviting anyone out here until I get some furniture. And I’m not just gonna get any furniture because…hello…that’s not how I roll. I get what I want or I don’t get anything at all..but really…I’m tired of sleeping on the floor. My back hurts.

I decided today that I’m going to stop being so immersed in my position at work. Half of what I do, isn’t even required. I just love it so much that I expand it but really it’s wearing me out a little bit because to maintain it I have to come in early and leave late and come in on the weekends but that’s mainly because there’s a party in my office everyday. My officemates are popular. Add that to the fact that my friends love to call and check on me, and I am LOUD sometimes… well…it’s not too quiet.

~smile~

I do love to work hard though.

Oh guys! Guess what?

My Father’s Day Page came out! Yeah Daddy! Ok, so this page was completely my creation. I came up with all of the ideas for all of the stories and then assigned them, wrote some of them, edited them and posted them. I worked with the designer to design the page and he did a great job! It made me happy! I found the pictures for all of the stories and I even did a podcast interview with a comedian about his experience with fatherhood. And yes… every other day until Father’ Day, a brand new story will come out if you check back for updates. Yes! Lots of content! ~cheese~

I could just suck this page to death. I really need to be an editor! That process of visualizing and then managing a project turns me on so much!

But this was not a part of my job description. Do you Get it now? I did all this work and it wasn’t required. I’m not even sure it was appreciated. I hope the readers like it. I kinda feel like my visions are just adding more work to my team. If I didn’t have all of these bright ideas, they wouldn’t have so much to do.

So I think I’m gonna cut back. But just at work…I’m about to finish up the story, THE PERFECT MAN. I think it’s the perfect storyline for my first novel. I have NEVER been good at writing fiction but the story with Donovan and I ended at a great place. He is just about to get married to Ashley while I sit here alone…again. But what would happen if I decided that I wasn’t going to allow it? What would happen if I tried to break them up? What lengths will I go to in order to get him? What methods will I use? What lessons will I learn about pursuing love?

Ya’ll ain’t EVEN ready for my imagination. I’ve outlined what’s about to happen and you know it’s all about growth, honesty and drama. This will be my SECOND attempt at writing fiction because I am a horrible liar, but like Jacq.ueline Thomas told me when I spoke with her a couple of years ago- start with what you know.

So…THE PERFECT MAN is on its way.

~sigh~ Hopefully, I’ll be a best selling author by the beginning of next year. I hope everyone will go out and buy it.

Tonight I’m not going to think about the website. They be trippin me out when they ask me to do stuff that I have never done before. I try to remind them, “Hey..I’ve never done this before.”

All you gotta do is show me once and I got it..but sometimes I don’t think they realize that I’ve only been at this job for 6 or 7 weeks. It hasn’t even been 2 months yet. Can I get a little slack on the learning curve? please?

They don’t know what to do with me on this job. They don’t know how to take me. Well.. a couple of them do. But it’s only because they are as vivacious as I am. There are a couple of chicks like that. I just try to stay out of everyone’s way and stay to myself all the time. I won’t force my personality on them. I know I’m a bit much.

This is a really quiet town with very little to do. It suits me because I’m a homegirl and I just live in my fantasy world. That’s why I like the artsy community. No one is out to push you to be like them… Everyone is just like..hey man…do your thing man…cuz I’m trying to do my thing too.. No negative vibes cuz we all float on our own chords toward our own destinies and we eat our vision together, not trying to hold each other down.

I’m an artist. I miss meeting other artists. Maybe I need this corporate America experience to grow…I know it’s divine. I know it I’m supposed to be here for some reason. I just wish I could learn whatever lesson I’m supposed to learn from it because I don’t really think I’m a good fit for this and I don’t want to disrupt what they have going on. Maybe this team would be more at harmony without me. I don’t want to be the cause of that and I definitely don’t want to be in a place where I’m not feeling at peace.

God please tell me what to do. I’m just trying to give my gift. And have it embraced and appreciated.

Wanna read something cool? A reader wrote in to tell me:

…maybe its not meant for you to be a cog in the corporate machine, maybe you are the iron that the machine is made of. I myself reminisce back to my carefree days of painting pictures of things I love, like the black female physic, lol. I know that you will make it someday, you keep going, someone will notice the light within you and help reveal it to the world.

That was very nice of him… I think that when I get discouraged.

So… let me go and relax and listen to my Corinne Bailey Rae CD. That chick’s voice…Man…It reminds me of something…Something familiar and pleasant..something that I want more of…something friendly and sweet…it reminds me of…peace.

peace…