A Bright Day

These days my heart has been all mushy and gushy and I’m just emptying out all the dumb stuff, being honest with myself and making room for the good.

Today I was reading Mommie2Be and she really got me thinking about death and how I’m living my life right now.

In no way am I ready to die. I’d love to see my sons grow up and be great men of God and have children and have them all adore me. I’d also love to see my little sister grow into an even more wonderful woman. I’d love to see my friends get married and enjoy successful careers and I’d love to see my Mama win the lottery after so many years of trying.

But if I never saw any of that and I happened to die tomorrow I can honestly say that I would die happily.

I am so happy right now. For real. It’s like a supernatural high. Like a deep seeded peace that resonates from deep within. I have so much love surrounding me. My sons, wow, they love me so much. I can’t EVER, EVER imagine being loved more than they love me. I finally love the way I look. Yep, even with my little pouch on my belly- still sexxy!

I am just so completely satisfied right now. Like, I have money. I have my sons. I have my health and I have my family. Yeah, I dream and I wish and I hope but all that is inconsequential to the real desire in most people’s hearts, that feeling of being satisfied with yourself. And that I am.

I am.

I am okay with me.

I am free to be me.

Lovely.

Silly.

Crazy.

Amazing.

Contemplating.

Constantly waiting.

Praying.

Saying.

Smiling.

Wildin.

Profilin.

And recognizin…

How truly, truly, blessed I am.

May I always remember this light in my heart just the way it is burning right now- for this light will drown out the darkness on the rough days, if I can just remember…

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