I don’t know man…
Now that my eyes are wide open…I can SEE what religion really is…and that’s not a bad thing because there are some HUGE benefits to belonging to a socially accepted group of people. And being a part of religion leads you to have family, a sense of belonging. A sense of territory of the mind as you judge yourself superior over others who WRONGLY disbelieve your point of view.
I miss congregating. I miss gathering together in Jesus name and celebrating goodness. I miss praising the Lord. I miss alladat and at the same time I really do not miss the bureaucracy and spiritual abuse associated with that system.
Going on a spiritual adventure like I have I KNOW that each belief is a choice an none of the choices are right or wrong. I know you just have to choose a path that feels good to you. One that gives you hope for your existence.
Look..I may not be the best judge of anything…the best judge of character…others or my own…but I really do see the world through rose colored glasses. I see people for the best within them and never really consider that they would hurt me..unless its a man and then I KNOW they are gonna try to hurt me…but I really wanna work through that. I just can’t. I don’t know why I can’t let that go…
I wish I could just throw everything on Jesus like I used to. If anything went right, “Thank you Jesus!” If it went wrong, “God is punishing me.”
Nothing that happened had anything to do with ME back in the day. I was powerless and wandering aimlessly, hoping I’ll get a nudge in the right direction somehow and that’s IF I acted right and listened to the pastor and cried and prayed and read the Bible enough.
If I got ALL that right…then I could possibly deserve a blessing.
~sigh~
I always felt bad about myself. Like I could never be good enough for God.
I don’t believe in a concept like that anymore. I don’t believe in a universal force who intervenes in our lives like that according to our behaviour. I think I’m shifting toward a belief that has an authority figure like a father that can rescue us but also lives within us, so essentially we’re rescuing ourselves by believing in our inner power which is also God’s power. Basically, God within each of us- kind of thing.
You get it?
That sounds good to me….
Maybe I just miss gospel music. It won’t hurt to listen and praise God now and then…