It Finally Happened

It’s early in the morning and already my day has been quite eventful.

First, today was THE DAY. The day that I had been dreading forever. My first time being pulled over by the police.

I was driving along as usual up the Avenue and my mind was on a million different things. I caught site of the usual group of caucasian police officers, all blond and blue eyed, standing on the corner. They pointed their speed detector thingy at me. One walked out into traffic and told me to pull over.

I pulled over and burst into tears. The white man came over to my car and asked me what was wrong. My entire face is covered by my hands and I’m weeping uncontrollably. “I’ve never been pulled over before.” I whimpered.

I didn’t see his reaction because I refused to look up at him.

I hear him walk away, “Well you were going 10 miles over the speed limit in a school zone. Let’s get this paperwork started.”

I continue crying and think to myself, “Crackas ass Crackas.”

I’m scared. Because I have heard so many bad stories about these situations. And I have not had a possitive experience with the police in fact I used to HATE the police. HATE EM! RAAAGGGEEE!

The officer asks for my liscense and I give it to him. I make sure my hands are on the steering wheel where he can see them.

“Hmm,” I hear him say to his partner. “This ticket’s gonna run you about $225. I know I can’t afford that.”

His partner laughs. “Me neither.”

“When you finish crying you can have your liscense back and remember that we’re here everyday.”

“I see you everyday,” I said, still looking down at my lap.

“And what do you think when you see us?”

“I think, I hope they don’t pull me over, cuz I’ve never been pulled over before.”

They both laugh.

I’m still looking down. I don’t want to see the smirks on their faces.

“So, what are you gonna do?” I ask.

“We’re gonna drag you out of the car and spray you with pepper spray and beat you up,” he says jokingly.

I pull out of the drive way. I can hear him say, “Thanks Office Whoever, for letting me go with a warning.”

I frown at him and he laughs as I drive away.

Not as bad as I thought. I’m still alive. Hmmm…

I’m taking the long way tomorrow though.

Second Thoughts

Well, I THOUGHT I would be logging on to write about what a wonderful date I had last night, but, it didn’t happen.

My “alleged” date called my office at 4pm saying, “Babe, I have bad news.” I rolled my eyes and sat in silence. “My boss arranged a business dinner for me tonight and I have to go, so we’re gonna have to postpone our plans for dinner.”

I sat in silence. He continued, “I know you’re pissed. But, just go ahead and be pissed. It’s understandable, you have a right to be upset. Take a minute and get it out and then call me back or I’ll call you back.” I still don’t say anything. “Talk to you later ok?” he asks. “Mmm, hmmm.” I respond and hang up.

I was dissappointed. I was looking forward to our dinner. Since we’re both so busy it’s difficult to catch up with him. Mannnn…Who is he?

He is 31. From Philadelphia. University of Miami Law School Alumni. Practices law here in Miami. Internet friends first, met him right here on this blog, he was one of my regular readers, phone friends second, met up at a Karaoke Bar on South Beach- we even sang a song together- and the rest is mm, mm good.

I like him. He reminds me of me. Very articulate. Very sweet. Very busy. ~sigh~

But you have to be patient if you want to date a businessman. And ain’t nothing like a man coming home from work, tired, pulling his neck tie off. Dayuuuum… I can only imagine.

But instead of letting myself get too upset, I picked up the phone and called my girl Melissa. “Hey chick, let’s go out. Where do you wanna go?”

“There’s always old faithful, Martini Mondays at Cafe Iguana. But this time let’s get there by 8pm, it’ll be free and a more professional crowd.”

“I’ll leave here by 7:30 to get you.”

So, I put on the same GET EM GIRL dress that I planned to wear on my date. Hooked my makeup UP, brushed my hair, uh, head and chose the cutest pair of dangling earrings from my new accessory wardrobe. I was sweating myself when I was done.

My sons are hanging off of my leg, “Mama, Mama..where you going?”

“I’m going out.”

“With who?”

“With my friend Melissa.”

“When you’re done with Melissa will you come home and sleep with us?”

“I sure will baby. Be good for Grandma okay?”

“Bye Mama.”

I step out and drive in silence to Melissa’s house. I call her phone and tell her to bring her car keys because we aren’t going anywhere in my dusty car.

When we get to Cafe Iguana’s I can’t believe it, there’s NO LINE. In fact, there was no cover charge. I guess they start charging around 10pm, when it turns into a night club. It was only 8:15 when we got there and it was a very relaxed atmosphere.

We walk in and sit down at the bar, order out Apple Martini’s and sip slowly. The bartender, whose name was Justin, made those Appletini’s so strong that it took ME 45 minutes to finish mine. And you know I usually drink fast.

But while we’re chatting, sipping and ogling the handsome men, I notice a suit walk in. LOL! A suit is a guy who will come into the club in a full three piece suit. Most women think these guys are dorky, but not me- I LOVE DORKS!

“Look at him, “I nudge Melissa and motion in his direction. “Now that’s what I’m talking bout.”

The Suit strides past purposefully.

Melissa and I continue to make comments and reminisce about our college days when I was at UF and she was at FSU and we would make trips to visit each other. Know how I met Melissa? I was up at FSU visiting my bestfriend Tamara during our freshman year. Melissa was Tamara’s friend. As soon as I met her, it was like, WHOA, I LOVE HER! It’s been on every since. Now I hang out with Melissa wayy more than I hang with Tamara. That’s the way love goes.

So we’re sitting and singing cuz on Martini Monday’s it’s Old School Night and they’re really taking it back. I’m talking bout we were grooving to BRICKHOUSE!

I’m halfway done with my Martini and I see two guys across the way smile and flash a platinum AMEX as they paid for their drinks. ~rolls eyes~

That shit don’t impress me! You know what impresses me? An extensive vocabulary. A well penned poem. Open and honest communication. Compromise. Selflessness.

I turn to tell Melissa what I just saw when I see The Suit is standing next to me buying a drink.

I’m all goofy from the Martini but I manage to smile at him.

He looks at me and smiles back. “Mind if I sit down?”

We all sit there and talk about WHATEVER. Turns out he’s a salesman. I don’t remember what he sells. He had just got off of work and was supposed to be meeting a friend there. He asks about my education, my job, my marital status, my kids. I answer with PRIDE, “I have TWO KIDS AND TWO JOBS!” Yeah, that should scare him off… I laugh to myself. Everybody can’t hang with the big dawg. I’m a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN!

I’m looking at him funny because he’s handsome, but not really my type. He sorta looks like a very light skinned Will Smith. Same height, same build. I felt like I was in a movie. I kept looking round to see if I was imagining the whole thing.

“Make sure you find me on the dance floor,” I tell him as I slide off the stool on my way to the ladies room.

“Let’s not wait until then. I don’t want to miss out. Can I get your number now?” he asks and reaches into his pocket for a pen.

Uhhhh…..

Damn… Come on Tee, you don’t have a man. Why not?

The Attorney’s name flashes across my mind.

But he’s busy.

Sigh

The man of my dreams…

You know you like it like that

You don’t have to fight back

Here’s a pillow…bite…that..

~faints~

oh my…

Moving On Up!

Guess what?

This week I interviewed with a small company and they offered me a position as the Assistant to the CEO. The money was straight. But nothing even closely related to what I really wanted to be doing.

But I said to myself, “Self, this is not about you. This is about stability for your family. I know you want to be happy but you can be happy after your kids are grown and out of your house. It’s time to sacrifice.”

I cried but I sucked it up and decided to give notice at my lovely private school.

When I went into to tell my daytime (temporary) boss that I was leaving she arranged a meeting with me and asked me what she needed to do to keep me here. I gave her a salary and she said she’ d see if she could get approval for it.

Today we met for lunch and she told me that she got me what I wanted with a significant increase after the 3 month probation period. And get this, my position, didn’t even EXIST before I started working here. They made the position up for me.

You all know I LOVE working here. I LOVE being here. I LOVE everyone here and the opportunity it presents to learn a new trade. Development is another term for Fundraising so I’ll be hob knobbing with Miami’s elite as I try to convince them that my private school is a worthy investment.

I’m so happy!

And to think, I get to quit my night job now. I’ll have more time for my sons. I can start to look for a place to live. The best thing is, I am LEARNING. I love to learn! And I’m just ambitious enough to take this thing and blow it up, because I’m about exceeding ALL expectations!

I am on my way!

Inside Tip

All a woman really wants~

Time: A portion of your day dedicated to her.

Attention: Consideration of the things that are going on in her world. Recognition.

Time + Attention is equivalent to LOVE in most cases.

We’re not that complicated.

********************
I was sharing this once with a guy I met and he said, “Men know exactly how to treat a woman. If we don’t do it, it’s because we choose not to.”

I LOVE LOVE Day!

There’s something magical about Valentines Day. Every year I get so happy and giggly and feel all smooshy inside.

And it’s weird because I never have a Valentines but I feel special anyway. I feel great because I know that I’m gonna hear from ALL of my friends. We’re gonna text message jokes, email well wishes and call each other to sing, ~I just called to say…I love you. I just called to say how much I care…. I just called, to say, I LOVE YOU! And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”~

Wow. I pray that you all can experience what I have experienced in the realm of friendships. There have only been a couple of women who have walked in and subsequently walked out of my life. For some reason, I attract great women and men and we love each other, unconditionally.

I was able to buy my son’s grandparents gifts. I also sent my boys to school with treats for their friends and teachers.

“Mama,” my older son said. “We don’t have a present for you.”
“That’s okay, just give me a big hug and tell me you love me. That’s all I need.”

Today I look so cute. I’m wearing a new pair of jeans that fit like whoa- and ofcourse a red, low cut top with a white undershirt that peeks out beneath the red blouse. I feel so fly. Strutting my stuff all across campus and smiling like I’m on the red carpet.

Tonight after I put the boys to bed, I’m gonna wear all white and go out with my friends, probably to have some drinks and laugh.

So many people love me that it would be difficult for me NOT to have a great Valentines Day. Men breeze in and out like the seasons, but friends, well MY friends, are down for me throughout all weathers or all whethers.

On a beautiful, sunny day like this you can’t help but notice the trees, enjoy the breeze and thank the heavens for life.

Happy Valentines Day to all of my blog friends. Especially my E-Valentine Brown Shuga. ~wink~

Blowed

I’ve heard so many promises, so many lines so many lies. But I’ve never heard ANYTHING like this before.

I don’t know what to think.

“Ms. Tee, I don’t want to be just another man who thinks you’re good enough to f**k but not good enough to love. “

Damn…

Release

I have to release this or I’ll explode. I don’t want to pick and choose what I share, trying to create an image for you guys. I’m not an image. I am me. And I am good at being me. Or bad at it. Depends on how you look at it.

I woke up this morning feeling crazy. My heart was literally in my draws. Feeling kinda bad. Wondering WTF is going on with me.

I remembered a conversation I had a couple of weeks ago. My Mama was telling me that my lil brother’s girlfriend had called her crying over something he did.

“Hmm,” I said aloud. Though more to myself than to anyone in the room. “I don’t think I’ve ever called any man’s Mother to complain about him.”

“Well why would you?” My stepfather interjected. “What man wants you to meet his mother?”

“Ha, ha ha…You’re not gonna hurt my feelings today.” I told him.

“Who’s trying to hurt your feelings? I’m just telling the truth. I see you waltsing your ass out of here with men. Whose mother have you met? Have any one of them ever loved you? No man is gonna love you Ms. Tee because you’re evil. You’re disgusting. You’ll never be nothing more than an after midnight booty call. The other woman. The hoe on the side. No one is EVER gonna want you. Am I lieing? Who loves you? Anybody? I didn’t think so. You run every man away. You’d even run a dead man away.”

I sat in silence. So used to these conversations. So used to him telling me that I am unloveable.

When the barrage begins, I usually try to think of a positive. I remind myself that I am fun. I have lots of friends. I am honest, generous, have good p***y, and uplifting to those around me. SOMEONE is gonna love me. Or are they?

I try to convince myself that I don’t want love anyway. That maybe God sent me my two sons to show me love and that’s all I’ll get. I fantasize about being successful in my career with my two sons. We’re living in a big house, I get to buy them nice cars and they just adore their Mama.

And then I sigh…And I think about almost all the men in my life. Even the ones I meet now. The ones I DON’T like, won’t leave me alone. The ones I DO like, ALWAYS leave me alone. And it’s not like they do it sweetly, they are very harsh with it.

I’m trying to swallow this lump in my throat as I write this because to some, I got it going on. I have OVERCOME. I have did my thang. I am a SURVIVOR. Haha…~sigh~

I am. I’m just still healing from all of these men in my life who constantly remind me by their words and their actions that I’m not loveable.

But DAMMIT, I know I am! I also know I’m a handful. A person can’t be THIS dysfunctional in relationships when all she does is care a lot. Sometimes I want to call up the men who reject me and ask them why. If I don’t fight with you. If I don’t play games with you. If I don’t reject you, then why, WHY do you push me away like that? What the hell is wrong with you? Or better yet, what the hell is wrong with me?

It’s pretty harsh, the things my stepfather and my children’s father say to me.
I remember my children’s father told me, “You’ll never do better than me. No one else is gonna want you.”

Mirror images they are.

Same spirit.

Sent to crush and destroy.

My joy.

So I’ll never enjoy…

Real love

If it ever finds its way

This way

But the truth of the matter is, so far

They are absolutely right.

Sad…

I’m FINE…

I got my health and dental benefit forms today.

Yay!

Can a sister say Hallelujah!

Can a sister say BRACES, BRACES, BRACES!

I’ve ALWAYS wanted braces. I think I’m gonna be so cute with them. But I need so much other dental work that I couldn’t possibly afford to get that work done and then pay for my braces too.

I’m beginning to look forward to getting older. Come on, imagine it. I already look good now. I have two sons. I’m about to get my teeth straightened which is the LAST thing about my looks that I am self concious about. Bucky Beaver no more!

In 5 years I’ll be 30 years old, well into whatever career I’m supposed to be into, established, making bread. My sons will be turning 8 and 10. They’ll be big boys. And I’ll be looking damn good!

Then in 10 years, my sons will be teenagers, I’ll be 35 and looking like WHOA! My sons will be out of my house before I turn 40. And I’ll have the rest of my life to kick it like a bachelorette.

I still can’t believe how things worked out with this job. I am so much more busy than I was when I was a temp but damn it’s not hard work at all. And to think this school actually PAID for me to stay here. You know any company has to pay the temp agency if they want to hire the employee permanently. This school spend a few grand on me!

How u like that?!

The really interesting aspect of my job are the parents. Our Parent Association is made up of really wealthy women who plan events, parties and meetings. They come in early in the morning and meet in the PA room, sipping their coffee and wearing their jogging pants and designer bags and sunglasses.

You can’t really tell they have money by the way they look. But I know who they are. I know who their husbands are and the mere fact that they VOLUNTEER their time (plus the FAT rocks on their left hands) lets you know they have bread.

I’m fascinated by rich people. I have no idea what life is like for them. I hunger to know though. Because I plan to be one of them. Really I have no doubt about that. How I’ll get there, now thats where I’m a little, uh, disturbed. But really, I’ve always known that I’ll be wealthy. I’m talking about housekeepers, nice rides, nice home. I don’t need a mansion, I just want to be extremely comfortable and work because I WANT to work, not because I HAVE to.

Sometimes I figure a man into the equation. Sometimes I don’t. I guess I understand how Oprah feels now. I mean, she has Steadman, but she doesn’t. She’s single, but she has companionship. She doesn’t know what she’s missing because she doesn’t have any kids. You can’t miss what you don’t know about.

Wanna know what I DO know about and miss? SEX…

But I won’t bore you with the details.

All I got to say is, “Lord please prepare the man you want me to be with, cuz he’s gonna need a strong back. A Sista overdue!”

Later Chile…