Tears In The Morning

I spoke to my sons this morning.

When I wake up early I like to call them and tell them goodmorning and remind them that I love them.

My sons are different in personality ofcourse. My younger son is very affectionate and tells me he loves me all the time. When I was in Miami the last time he would climb into my lap and ask me to sing the special song I made up for him.

“Sing it again Mommy,” he request.

My older son is very standoffish. He gives hugs sometimes and he never tells me he loves me. This morning when I called I was trying to have a conversation with him and he cut me off saying, “Bye Mama.”

I stopped him from hanging up the phone and I said, “Baby, when Mommy calls, she’s calling to tell you she loves you. I just want to hear your voice baby and make sure that you are okay. It kinda hurts my feelings when you don’t want to talk to me.”

“Mama?”

“Yes.”

“Are you still working at a bar?”

I sighed.

“Baby, who told you that? I never worked at a bar. I work for a website. We go along with a popular radio show. Ask your Daddy to put the show on in the car on your way to school so you can listen. Baby, I don’t know who’s telling you about what I’m doing but you have to learn to think for yourself. I never lie to you. If anyone says anything bad about your Mommy don’t believe them. If anyone tells you something different than what I’ve told you, don’t believe them. You gotta know that I love you and I’m out here working hard so that I can take care of you again. I’m not out here having fun. I miss you. I need you to believe me and trust me. OK?”

“Ok Mama. I have to go to school now.”

“OK baby, I love you. Have a good day.”

“Bye Mama.”

I didn’t want to start my day off like this, in tears. I haven’t been sleeping well lately and I need to be rested and at ease to do a good job at work.

I know I’m doing the right thing. Mama has to make a way and sometimes that way means sacrifice. But I trust God and I know that He will not allow my boys to hate me for trying to make a way for us to be stable and happy.

So I’m gonna wipe my tears away and know that my boys and I will be back together again and whatever forces are working against my fulfillment of my destiny in Christ, will not be strong enough to overcome me.

I love you boys.

I really do.