My friend Sylvia and I had it out last night.
Not so much so that she and I argue because we hate each other. In my mind it’s like a tug of war because we hold such different perspectives of the world. On here…I rant and rave and release my emotions, both positive and negative. But in my real life…on a day to day basis, I simply can not tolerate negativity or criticism from anyone. I won’t even tolerate it if the person is criticizing themselves.
Since I’ve been really into studying positive thought, energy work and the laws of the universe, I have changed from deep within. I still have the same friends, gratefully, but it’s been a trial pulling them with me.
Why should they change with me? They shouldn’t. They don’t have to. But to be honest, if we are going to stay friends, the topics of our conversations HAVE to change.
Since Tamara and Kim and I have been in touch regularly throughout my evolution, they have been able to see me shift my mindset and I share everything with them. Sylvia is a different story. She stopped talking to me when I wouldn’t make decisions the way that she makes them. Familiar happening…a lot of people do. It doesnt bother me much, because I believe that anyone who truly loves you will TRUST your evolution and support you if it doesnt hurt anyone else.
Who are you to judge someone else’s path? You know the right way for YOU…but you can’t direct someone else’s life.
Well, Sylvia has since contacted me and apologized for being so judgemental and I was right there ready to continue our friendship. I love her to pieces. She was my first and BEST friend from college.
The only thing is…when we reconnected, she still had the same bad habits that I used to have and it brought back painful memories. No, she doesn’t smoke or drink or anything like that…but…I remember a time when all of our conversations were about what man hurt us and how our parents hurt us and how the world is a horrible place.
That’s ALL we talked about. And we created a lot of misery in our lives by living in fear and spreading the negative energy to one another.
I don’t do that anymore. I try to look for the impending blessing in any situation instead of reasoning that our lives will be forever damaged by whatever happened. But Sylvia was still stuck in that mindset and I tried to pull her out of it.
We are such good friends that our arguments never turn into hate fests where we call each other names and try to hurt each other. If we disagree we really seek to understand each other.
Last night I explained to her that friendships are like a tug of war. Both people may be on opposite ends in their mind frames and lifestyles and eventually one will pull the other toward their way…if they stick around long enough.
So I’ve been pulling and pulling trying to get her to come my way and she has been resistant, assuring me that there is more pain and suffering in the world than there is good and we have to take note of it.
See…when you think like that you CREATE the pain and suffering in your world. Worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet…makes you LIVE the reality of that negative fantasy RIGHT NOW! It doesn’t really have to happen because you are already experiencing the negativity of it.
It’s either that I train her to come my way or I go (back) to the way she is. I don’t want to go back there. I won’t go. So either she develops a more positive attitude about life…positivity (and negativity) is contagious or we will run out of things to talk about and that will end our friendship.
I appreciate my other 2 friends Kim and Tamara because they allow me to test out my theories on them. Whenever I study and come across a new teacher with a new message about how to retrain our minds, I try it out on Tamara. I have her doing all kinds of excercises with me. LOL
The other night I watched an amazing video where the man talked about how we don’t have a good relationship in our lives because we keep telling the same old sad stories about the failures of our last relationship. We keep talking and talking and talking and repeating the same stories so often that they replay themselves over and over in new relationships. He suggested that we look at these same relationships and then talk about the GOOD that we experienced through them.
So I called Tamara up and explained what the man said. Then I said, “OK, now, we’re gonna go through our last 3 relationships with men and we’re gonna talk about something positive that we gained from it or something that we’d lie to see happen again in our lives.”
Tamara was silent. “I don’t know, Tee. I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Yes, you can. If I can do it, then you can. I’ll go first.”
Ok. With the last guy… ~biting my lip not to curse~ Yeah…with him, ummm…he taught me how to find a job at a restaurant and he taught me how to take the personality test so that I will pass it. I never pass personality tests for jobs and he made me listen until I understood their concept. If I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t be at Red Lobster and making so much more than I was making at Denny’s. Also, he was the first man EVER to take complete care of me when I had nothing. When I was sick and DEEP was busy “doing his hair” this man invited me over and rubbed me down. When I needed help moving and looking for a new place, he was right there. I have never had that…a man willing to give.
Although there was plenty more I could say about how he tried me..I didn’t. I let it go and focused on what he brought into my life.
I went on to DEEP and our relationship and I sat there on the phone recounting the many times that he made me feel loved by reading to me over the phone and sharing in my passion for learning.
I took it back even further to the guy I liked before him. I needed help and he was right there, offering his creativity for FREE and even introducing me to key people who made an impact on my life.
No, I don’t talk to any of these dudes anymore. They don’t even have my new phone number…but still..knowing them (despite the drama that seperated us) made my life better.
That shit was hard.
And I made Tamara go through the same process. With one guy, she could not think of a single thing to say so I gave her something. “Didn’t he show you what it was like to be a part of a family? Don’t you hope to have that kind of experience again? Isn’t he the reason why you now know you want to be a wife?”
She agreed. And quickly changed the subject. LOL
SO I called Sylvia and explained the same excercise to her. She was livid. “HELL NO! I ain’t doing that! Fuck that shit! Those assholes…”
“But something good HAD to come out of you knowing them. Something that you would like ot happen again…” I pleaded.
We wrestled for hours until she calmed down and she said she would never participate in anything like that again because it hurts too much to sort through the pain to find the good points. I agreed. But..we can’t keep repeating the same sad love song, if we want to write a new one.
I am so glad my friends are growing with me. Even if they don’t believe what I believe, at least they humor me and respect my wishes when it comes to sharing energy.