We had been chatting off and on for the whole day and I was getting tired of sitting at the computer.
Inside I felt a twinge of fear, but I said to myself, “Self. He’s nice to you. He’s patient too. You don’t have to worry about anything. You can control this. Things don’t have to turn out the way they have in the past.”
So I took a deep breath and typed into the messenger: Hey. Can you call me?
The screen was blank for about a minute before the yellow light blinked again. What’s your number?
The phone rang five minutes later and my heart beat fast when I heard his voice.
“Hey Tee. What’s up with you, girl?”
“Hey big nose!”
“Yo mama gotta big nose!”
“Yo mama got a nose job and she still look like….like…. Fuck. I’m not good with jokes.” I admit.
He laughs. “So Ms. Tee. I finally get to hear that voice of yours again, huh? You are so hard to get next to!”
Hard to get next to? If he only knew…
“Should I lock this number in? Add you to my favorite 5?” he asks with a chuckle.
He’s such a nerd. “No,” I say.
“This is my house phone number and I don’t have a cell phone. You can only call it when I tell you to.”
“You don’t have a cell phone?”
“No. It’s not in the budget right now,” I said, my voice quivering. I’m feeling humiliated. Here I am a grown woman, a mother of two children, a supposed professional and I can’t even afford a cell phone. How sexy is that?
“I understand,” He responds solemnly. “Is that why you didn’t want me to call you?”
“Part of it,” I say. “But also because I was nervous. I just wanted to make sure that we could be friends. Sometimes men say that they want to be friends but then when they start to like me, I get scared and I push them away immediately. I’d really like to know you for longer than that.”
“Well if that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get,” he says. “What’s up with you?”
“I’m the same as I was earlier when we were chatting dummy.”
“So earlier you were telling me that you wanted to talk about the law of attraction,” he reminded me.
“Yeah, but I was too tired to type it all.”
“So go ahead.”
“I’m too tired to explain it all,” I say and laugh. “Sorry. I just need to be inspired. I work on inspiration. I can start things without inspiration but then they don’t turn out well and then I’m pissed off because I’m a perfectionist and I can’t live with myself when I deliver less than perfection in anything that I do.”
“But how do you write like that? How do you write so much? It’s really good. I feel like I’m a fan.”
“Well, I’m an emotional writer. And I’m an emotional person. Whenever I’m feeling a particular way, if i sit down and write, it flows easily. I love it. It’s when I feel most at peace and most successful. When I’m writing…. It’s like, there’s nothing else in the world that I’m 100% sure I’m good at. It’s like easy breathing to me,” I tell him as I lean back on the sofa and close my eyes in pleasure.
“You sound like you’re hooked on drugs!” he exclaimed.
“Naw, I’m not I just…I’m in love with writing. It sometimes consumes me and I can’t sleep and I don’t feel like eating and I dream of the day when I can run a website or a magazine and not have to focus on bills and then I’d also write great articles examining life issues and talking to experts about their opinions and stuff. You know how when people get their doctorate they have to do research and studies and then produce their findings in a journal?”
“Well, I always fantasized about doing that, but I never wanted to go back to school. I wish I could do my studies and produce books based on the findings. I want to help people understand themselves better.”
“You want to heal the world, don’t you?” he asks.
I giggle. “I guess so. Seems like such a big task for a little lady from the inner city who can’t even afford to keep her cell phone on.”
“Money is fluid, It comes and goes. It’s no big deal.”
“To YOU it’s not. If I had unlimited money, I’d still have my children with me and I’d be happy.”
“If you had unlimited money, you may have your children with you but you wouldn’t necessarily be happy,” he counters. “Everything that you went through since you left your children with their Dad served a purpose, I believe that. If you didn’t go through all that, you wouldn’t appreciate what is about to happen in your life.”
“How do you know what’s about to happen in my life?” I ask.
“Trust me, I know,” he says.
“You’re always asking me about me. Why don’t you tell me your dream?”
“I already told you.”
“I want to have a family business. I don’t know what that’s going to be though. I want to be a team with my wife. I want us to build something together. But until I meet her, I don’t think about that much, I guess when we hook up we’ll figure it out together.”
I can’t believe he just said that.
“Why are you so quiet?” he asks.
“I’m just thinking.”
“Thinking what? You’re in love with me, huh?”
“Shut up! You are so damn arrogant!”
“I am not arrogant I’m just aware of the truth.”
“You’re conceited. You think you’re all that!”
“I KNOW I’m all that. I can have any woman I want.”
“Ughhhh..You’re so conceited!”
“You like that don’t you?” he whispers.
“Don’t use that sexy voice on me!” I scream.
“You love me, don’t you? It’s okay. I’ve been there before. I promise to make you feel good everyday.”
“You suck! You need to calm that shit down!”
The line goes quiet.
“I…I want to see you,” I can hear myself saying and I can’t believe it.
He’s quiet. “Huh, What did you say?”
“I want to see you sometime soon,” I say again.
“I heard you the first time. I just wanted to be sure,” he teases me.
I laugh. “I hate you.”
“No you don’t. You love me. But for now we’re just friends.”
“Friends,” I confirm. He drives me nuts.
“Can a friend take you out tonight?” he asks.
“Tonight?” I laugh. “What you gonna do, have a virtual dinner with me?”
“I don’t have to. I’m here in Miami.”
“You’re here?!” I jump up to my feet and glance out the window.
He chuckles. “I got here last night. I was hoping you’d want to see me but I wasn’t going to ask. I just thought about it. I wanted you to tell me you wanted to see me.”
“That’s the law of attraction!” I exclaimed. “You get what you wish for if you aren’t in resistance to it!”
“I mean, if you want something and you relax and don’t worry, it’ll happen! You did it! You manifested meeting up with me!”
“Ohhhkayy. If you say so. So does that mean you want to go out?”
I pause. He manifested me. That makes me feel so good. I’m going to go out and have a good time with my friend. We are going to laugh and drink and eat and everything will happen just as it should. He’s nice to me. I deserve it. There are good men in the world and I just met one.
“Of course I do,” I tell him. “Where are you?”