I got a call from my girl Kenya tonight and it is always a pleasure to speak with her. You know the one who lives in Brooklyn, going after her fashion design career. Well, we got to talking about so many different things one of them being perspective.

As a journalist I realize that almost everyone is critical of the media. They say we like to sensationalize and only show one point of view. Well, I’m sorry to tell you but that is our job. We paint the picture of events according to our own PERSPECTIVE, how we felt, how we saw it and that’s all you can expect from us.

Yes, there are those big wigs out there who control the money and can decide what information the public needs to know based on their own agendas, but for the most part all we’re doing is telling you a story based on what we experienced and everything should always be taken with a grain of salt.

Even on my weblog, I tell a story or give my take on things. It’s MY OPINION. It’s not necessarily fact or written in stone. My emotions may sometimes cloud what actually happened and push me to insert more of my heartache or joy or whatever.

Even as I was doing research I was getting pretty excited because I was taking my findings as truth. But just like I have my space on the internet, any fool can have theirs too. So just because someone posts something on the net or you read about it in the paper doesnt mean it should be taken to heart. You have to step back and recognize that the writer is human and is fallible.

Kenya gave an example of something as simple as Penicillin. For some Penicillin may be the thing to change their life. For another who has an allergy it could be death to them. Just because I can’t take it doesn’t mean you shouldnt. You have to figure out the truth for yourself.

Most people only tell you what they want you to know. I try to be more transparent and allow you to see what’s really in my heart, but at any given moment I can decide that I want you to see me in a certain way and I have the skills necessary to make it happen. You don’t know exactly what’s going on in my head unless I tell you and even then I can choose not to tell the whole story.

I’m not telling you not to trust me or the media because there are writers out there who make it a point to be as factual and accurate as they can. Just understand that just like you may have a motive behind your actions or words, most people do too.

Never take someone’s opinion as the word of the Lord. Never try to force yourself to conform to what others believe to be true. Seek the truth for yourself and do what I do when I read; I enjoy the writing for the pure art of it.

I always say, it doesnt matter what you say, it’s how you say it. An effective communicator grabs people’s attention and holds it long enough to plant some seed. Whether they are saying anything worth listening to is besides the point. Even though entertainers like Eminem are projecting a worthless message, I have to give the man props for being talented enough to get people to listen. Take that same talent and drive and arm Him with the word of the Lord and just imagine what he can do for God’s kingdom.

And if you are a writer out there I challenge you tonight. I challenge you to take control over your gift and give the people the truth according to how you saw it and to uplift, not degrade or manipulate your readers. When you write you should want readers to come away from your piece, informed and thoughtful.

We inform. You decide.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I’m so excited I stayed up until midnight so I can celebrate. I know, I’m a geek, but Mother’s Day really excites me even more than my birthday because everyone has a birthday but not everyone is a mother.

Motherhood is blissful. I don’t regret it for a minute. In fact, I have to calm myself down because when I look at my two boys I want more. But with no contenders for the husband position, it’s gonna be a while, and that’s okay.

My younger son made me a card with his scribbles and handprints. My older son made me a flower pot and he thinks its his. It has some seeds in soil and he wants to water it everyday. He’s so adorable.

I can’t explain how much my boys mean to me. Sometimes I’ll ask them, “What’s your mama’s name?” just to hear them say, “Mama.”

I’m their one and only Mama and they fight for the treasured honor of sitting on my lap every single day. They are very good boys, I’m blessed I know. If it wasnt for God making them that way I wouldnt have gotten through school like I did. They are very obedient and vibrant and they have cute personalities just like their Mama.

My only wish is that they grow to be young men who respect and love God. I plan to be a righteous example to them because I know what they know of God, they learn from watching me. It’s a big responsibility but I know I can handle it.

It’s funny how some things you didn’t plan for or even desire, can make your life so much more fulfilling. I have a purpose through my sons; to love them as God loves me.

Be empowered to prosper through Christ.


I’m in the process of giving all this stuff away. Mostly kids clothes and accessories, Goodwill is gonna be so lucky!

I also have to get my old car fixed so I can drive it down to Miami on Saturday. My little brother is going to ride behind me so I can take more stuff down. I dont have as much stuff as I thought. After throwing things away I realize that the majority is all of our clothes and the kids toys. Not too much to pack up.

I was chatting with Anna tonight because I realized that my real name is all over this internet. But I’m cool about it because there is no real personal info and I have to realize that by writing and speaking I am going to live a very public life so I have to get used to people knowing who I am.

She suggested I use an alias but I want to use my real name as my professional name. I LOVE MY NAME!

I think that when I get married to my man Nick Cannon, I’ll change my last name to his, but still use my maiden name as my professional name. I think he’ll be cool with that and he can call me Mrs. Cannon behind closed doors.

Anyway, I’m really enjoying this time off. I had no idea how much I would appreciate it. That job really tore at my spirits. It had me feeling like life was gonna suck forever. But it’s not, I just had to step out on faith and I can’t wait to see what will happen with my writing.

The newspaper accepted my first column for publication. In the middle of writing it I had to stop and praise God because I couldnt believe that I was FINALLY doing something with my gift. I almost cried because I feel like God is really going to use my writing to touch so many people.

I wrote about how true fathers could break the cycle of teenage pregnancy. I believe that it is one the best pieces that I have ever written. I gained so much wisdom about the importance of family from my church here and I know I will share all of this wisdom with the city of Miami and eventually the world.

The column will be officially published on Wednesday and I will post it here so you can read it.

I hope everyone is feeling as good as I am, because right now I’m just feeling peace.

Who’s Out There?

Hey. I see you. I know everytime you stop by. I wonder why you never say anything or let your presence be known. I share with you my intimate thoughts and you allow me into your being without giving anything back.

They call people like you lurkers. You visit my spot daily, snooping but never say Hi.

Does my sassiness intrigue you? Are you enamored by my words? Are you afraid to leave your mark thinking that I won’t find you as appealing? There’s nothing to worry about my friend. If you can relate to anything that I write then there is an obvious connection between us. I’m very open and friendly.

Say Hi. Share your story. I would really love to hear it.

You know…things get really serious when you take down your pictures.

I’m sitting here looking at my life being stashed away in boxes. I’m getting rid of a lot of things. Packing things away to be dealt with at another time. But there’s something about bare walls that truly signals a departure.

Before I leave there are a few things I must do. I mean, besides turn off my utility and phone and clean out the fridge. Before I leave I must search my life’s attic and clear out some cobwebs so I can peacefully make my journey on to the next stage.

I have complete peace about going down. Everything I’m missing here is waiting for me: friends, family and the opportunity to be a writer. However, there are still some places of unrest in my heart and I must get some closure before I go.

The only thing is, what kind of closure awaits me? You ever feel like you want an answer to a question in your heart, but you don’t know exactly what kind of answer that you want? Or for that matter, is receiving your answer really the best thing? Maybe some things are better left unkown. That way you won’t have to deal with the answer not being the one you expected to hear.

One more day in Gainesville. Shutting it down.

Well I just got in from picking my boys up from daycare and as we’re eating popsicles my 3 year old son starts to recite his colors and what each one means.

“Red means stop. Red means hot.

Green means go.

Blue means cold.”

“Mama, what does white mean?”

I hesitate a minute. “White means clean.” I say timidly.

“What does black mean?” he asks trying to find a correlation.

“Black means………..”


“Let’s go sit down and eat our popsicles,” I say and he forgets his question, for now.

Live from Miami, Florida

And five hours later she arrives in Miami, tired but excited to drive her new car and settle into her new home.

How can a five hour drive seem to put me in a place that seems worlds apart from where I have come from? I know that less than 24 hours ago I was in Gainesville eating icecream with Mimi, while I cried my eyes out and proclaimed my hopes for the future. Now, that moment seems so far away. Like it happened years ago instead of last night.

On my last night in Gainesville I got my lil brother to watch my sons while I went to church to say goodbye to the people I knew. As I stood in the back of my last college service I surveyed the crowd and noticed that most of the people there were there before I came. They had all made our church their home and our members their family. I couldnt imagine any of them ever leaving and until 4 weeks ago, I couldnt imagine myself leaving either.

My church was a cool place to be. There was no strut your stuff agenda at my church. It was really about receiving from God and loving each other like brothers and sisters. No one cared who was best dressed or who drove the nicest car. No pressure to look nicer than anyone else. I could show up precise one day and then the next day come rugged with no makeup and a baseball cap. I would probably get teased a little but I wasn’t judged for it.

So I tearfully said my goodbyes one by one before it was time for me to go. Then it actually happened, I came face to face with the man I held so close to my heart for almost two years, but never said a word to him about it. I had to say goodbye to him too.

With a hearty hug and a promise to keep in touch, I now have closure. I have a peace. Whatever will be will be. It’s not up to me. It’s up to God anyway so there’s no use worrying myself over it.

And right now I dont have time to worry about it because sister girl doesnt have a real JOB! Im trying to calm my panicky heart, but from up there in Gainesville, sitting in my own crib, eating good and burning up the unlimited long distance it was much easier to say I TRUST GOD.

I wish I could just flash an empty wallet like Stacey Dash did in the All Falls Down video with Kanye West and have a wad of cash pressed into my empty palm. DAMN THOSE VIDEOS!

I spent my last 60 bucks on groceries today and my lil sis gave me some spending money which I will use to buy diapers and register the boys for daycare. I know its natural to have a little anxiety when you’re in a situation where you can’t see how you’re gonna make it through, but man, I got the shakes.

I’m scared. I am. But at least I’m not alone. My parents got my back and most importantly God has my back. He’s not going to lead me here without provision for my vision. Everything in my heart WILL come to pass. I WILL write, speak and uplift. Today is just the beginning step.

Once I get over this fear I can step up and claim what is mine.

Ahhhhh… I feel so much better. Boy I tell you, more than just an interesting story for you to read, for me writing is like virtual therapy.

Whew.. I’ve been pretty busy but enjoying myself nonetheless.

I didnt want to come down here and totally stop going to church so I made up my mind that I will keep visiting churches until I find a place to join.

I called my friend Dianna who picked me up on Sunday morning- FIRST STOP- New Birth Missionary Baptist Church.

I wasn’t really expecting anything powerful because I knew that this church was huge but my girl said she loved the word and everytime my friend Mimi visited Miami she attended church there and was spiritually fed. The fact that it is only two blocks away from my house made it more appealing.

I looked around and smiled at all of the chocolate faces. Nice to see a room full of beautiful black people. The worship service began and the choir sang and the dancers danced and the announcers made announcements. I was looking at my watch thinking, “Dang, it’s taking a long time to get to the word.” I was hungry for it. I wanted a word from the Lord.

But oh was it worth the wait! When the man of God stepped onto that platform and began to speak I got shivers. God’s presence was very strong. My first day out and God blessed me with a might good word.

You know what else? My boys LOVE it here! They learned what the word cousin means and all day everyday they ask me to take them to see their cousins so they can play with them. We actually have family! This is something I’m not used to. Up in G-ville, it was just me and my boys everyday. What a blessing family is! This is unreal.

Last night I left and hung out with Anna until 12:30am. My mama watched the boys and was delighted to do it. DELIGHTED! I went out and hung out with my friend. Someone else watched my kids. It wasn’t an emergency either. It was for pleasure. That’s unbelievable.

Today I got blessed with new rims for my car and new tires all for $225 and I remember I’m flat broke! I know, I can’t believe it either. I keep thinking that something weird is going on here. I’m having a hard time accepting that God is blessing me so much. I didnt really do anything to deserve it.

The only thing left is to get a good job. And I’m not stressed about that at all. I know it’s coming. This lady at the Miami Times is taking her time bringing me on…I dont know why. I just have to chill and wait. I still have my column.

Actually my column is due tomorrow. I have a writing partner who writes his own column about a topic, then he sends it to me and I counter it. It’s like a debate; he presents one side, I present the other. When I spoke with him after our debut columns he said it was unanimous, everyone thought I “whooped his azz”. So he promised to bring his A-game next time. Child please, he ain’t ready!

This man just emailed me this week’s topic and I’m flabbergasted. Why did he write about why he prefers dating white women over black women? Man….I have to be eloquent without showing my ghetto side. I have to represent Christ and bring unity and not discord. But child please, this nicca CRAZY!

I’ll have to think hard about this one. It’ll come to me in the wee hours of the night. I’ll try to figure out a way to allow you all to be able to read both of our columns, either by me scanning them or whatever. I’ll see.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Wow. You guys I am usually a very articulate person but mere words can not decribe how happy I am right now.

I am deliriously happy! I’m so happy to be living with my parents again. I’m so happy to be able to see my cousins and get to know their children. I am so happy that I have so much family around me and everyone wants to love on me and my sons. I never felt so loved before. I never felt like I belonged like this before.

Remember how afraid I was about moving? Well, right now I have so much joy and peace its amazing.

If you’re trying to hear from God follow your peace. It really really works! No more bondage for me.

Remember when Will Smith sang that song? “Welcome to Miami, Bienvenido a Miami”?

Well, all that mess he was singing about ain’t in Miami. $100,000 cars? Yeah right. Everybody got a putt-putt or a Monte Carlo. And no matter what kind of car people are driving, they ALL got nice rims. Thats crazy! Picture an old delapidated 81 Toyota Corolla; it will have nice big spinning rims on it!

Everyone dresses in such bright colors and always color coordinated. If there are three colors in a guys shirt his sneakers have the exact same three colors in them.

Whats different is that there are so many hispanics now. Like my mama lives in Opa Locka and before I left for college there werent any Hispanics on the block, now there are only a few black families. The flea market, you know USA over on 27th, man its been taken over by fly papi’s and mami’s. I took my boys over there to get a haircut and I was so shocked, the chico’s even have their own baber shop.

What a lovely site! Me gusta los chicos.

Driving around Miami is wild! Everything is so far away. In G-ville, I went to Walmart everyday to enjoy the low prices. When I got here I looked at my lil sister crazy because she wanted to go to Eckerd and buy something. Everyone knows that Eckerd has higher prices than Walmart. I never shop there. But when I got in the car to find Walmart I almost fell asleep at the wheel.

The nearest Walmart is far as HELL! It’s the super Walmart in Hialeah. That thing was beautiful but it was packed with people. I was able to get my diapers and wipes and roll out with no problem though.

I’ve been hanging out with Anna lately. It’s weird because I left Miami when I was 18 and before that we were on lock down so we never really had a chance to hang out as adults. So, it’s like we’re getting to know each other all over again. Although our bond is strong, she has other people that she actually HANGS out with and she has her own interests. And she kinda made me mad by saying that she was scared to take me out with her.

Ok, OK. I am kinda particular about where I go and who I hang out with. Ok, I’m VERY particular, but I dont want to make my girl uncomfortable. I just like to have control of the situation I am in. People say I act like I am the super diva of the world. Man, Im trying to be better. Last night, (A WEEK NIGHT YAY!) we (Anna, her friends and I) went out to Applebees in Pembroke Pines for some Bahama Mama’s and then on to this low-key pool hall for a few games.

It was really cool. Her friends seem nice but I’m not really into letting people into my personal space lately. I mean, if we click from jump then cool, but all that ‘TRY, TRY, FORCE YOURSELF to become friends’ mess that I was advised to do back in G-ville, I’m not EVER gonna do that again. I’m not in bondage anymore. I can like who I want to like and hang out with who I want to hang out with and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, I’m keeping it on the down low because it took so long but I got the job as the publisher’s assistant at the newspaper. She hired me yesterday. The pay sucks but the opportunity is great and I’m believing God for an increase or a change in my position soon. No big deal unless I make it one.

The big difference between this job and the last one is that the last office was all-white and this office is all-black. These ladies are off the chain! I just stay to myself cuz I really dont know what to say. Plus, I work in a different part of the office from everyone, my office is next to the publisher’s behind a locked door and everyone else is in the main part of the building. I love these ladies. I love their eye rolling and fighting and cursing at each other and their tattoos and their hair styles. I love black people.

Oh yeah, Memorial Weekend is coming up in two weeks. Lots of friends are getting ready because Memorial Weekend in Miami is crazy! I’m not really into all the club stuff but I will definately take a stroll on South Beach to do some people watching.

I have a social life. It’s amazing.